He wanted to die. Yes, Die. How could he just let go? Forget her that easily? The reason he was alive all these days. The reason he opened his eyes every morning. The reason he felt safe.
He looked around at his surroundings, the world was moving along at its usual steady pace. He felt small, almost invisible and he knew; his pain was his alone. People could pity him, try sympathising and maybe make him feel better temporarily but, no one could truly say or do anything to make him find this sudden transition acceptable or normal. No, he did not want to grow up and deal with it. No, he did not want to do what was right. He just wanted his old life back where this was where he was meant to be. This was what he was best at. She was where he; his heart and his soul belonged.
Standing by a strawberry bush in that beautiful garden where his love for her had initially blossomed, he watched her. She stood at a distance quivering in the cold; looking at him in the same sensuous way she always did, moving gracefully beckoning him to her with dewy eyes.
He didn’t move, he didn’t take his eyes off her. He couldn’t; but at the same time he could not get himself to go to her either. He felt like a sinner. He had done her wrong. The promises, the soft whispers in her ears, those intimate moments, the conversations, growing up together, the long endless days spent in each other’s arms watching the rain. Those days of laying in the sun and the endless nights spent counting stars. And here he was today, wanting to say good bye. No, it wasn’t disregard nor was it the lack of admiration or respect. He didn’t know why or how; but, it had somehow reached a point where he had nothing to contribute or offer anymore.
He watched her all morning, those inviting eyes making him weak in the knees. He realised that he had an overdose of her; an overdose that was making him nauseous. He found himself reaching for support and holding on tight to a branch. He knew then, that he had to get away, knew it was time he stopped watching her. He knew that the only way to let go was to stop searching for an answer in those lustrous eyes.
Ignoring the tears he couldn’t control anymore he started to spin. Round and round, making sure he kept his eyes shut because one look at her and he would have lost the will to continue. Round and round. Round and round. Round and round.
Finally the little caterpillar stopped spinning and opened his eyes to observe his handiwork. He sat down in his cosy little cocoon and smiled, proud of what he had accomplished. He thought of the little green leaf he had left behind and he knew he had done the right thing. Because this was the circle called life and letting go was part of it.
Because only after finding the courage to let go of a leaf, can a caterpillar morph into a butterfly and chase flowers!
