I’m pretty certain that everyone goes through the ‘self love’, ‘self pity’, ‘self hate’ phases on a daily basis. I wonder though, if anyone bothers to actually sit down and think it over and realize that there are times when we let ourselves go on this roller coaster ride of hidden emotions for no apparent reason at all.
We all have a tendency to edit our perspective to fit the one that, the world around us labels veracious. And, in this race to prove ourselves as righteous as the next person, we tend to judge the world not on the basis of what probably would be the sensible and open minded way to accept the different shades of the spectrum in front of us, but, instead, on the basis of what would be the safest way to appear and come across as the ethically sound and the most easily justified virtuous person that we would love to be labeled as.
In this mental mess of trying to look like the better person; we tend to not only blindside the chance to maybe accept reality and the variety that all our existence together has to offer and also the fact that each one of us deserves to feel good and special and, that; it probably is not worth questioning things about us that we can not change but also, it is unfair that we let it put us in a situation where we tend to question ourselves and find normal everyday details of our lives highly flawed and unacceptable.
To simplify it down, we let something as normal as not owning the latest fashion trends in our wardrobes enough to hate our situation. You see someone thinner, more fair, more gorgeous than yourself and you declare yourself the ugly beast in your head. You have friends who can sing, dance, paint, do wheelies with their pimped up sports bikes, etc. and you decide to tell yourself to sit in a corner and cheer for them just because you assume your talents aren’t worth it.
Be it something as basic as someone else getting a higher academic score than you, or; something as complex as, the person you are fantasizing about in your day dreams deciding to shower all their attention on someone who according to you is more of a looker than you’ll ever be. We let the world and its perfection decide our imperfections.
And, it is at times like these that we forget; that only yesterday, did someone compliment that cute smile of yours or that, someone voiced out how you make the best tea in the entire house or maybe even how that once this random stranger at the shopping mall; gave you this flirty smile with that; I think you are eye candy “look” simply because getting randomly cheesy with you was irresistible for this certain individual, who did not know you and wasn’t behaving that way just to make you feel better.
But, I guess that is what truly makes us human. The fickle nature of our minds and the insecurity of not being the best we could be or whoever we would wish to be. The Oscar winning part we all play to the dot with complete perfection. The one where, a lone man sits on a park bench and picks up a fallen flower and decides; to bestow on it the task of making the majestic decision, and start pulling off its petals one by one while simultaneously chanting,
“ I LOVE ME, I LOVE ME NOT”.
